promise me you'll never look down

st0nefree_d @ 2006-11-26T18:02:00

2006-11-26T23:02:46Z

lil sum sum i wrote for miss stoudt. prd.1
im goin to start posting more and hopefully getting pics
enjoy.
tell me if you like it/

“Deus Ex Machina”

Nikki – (17, started off from simple stimulants, such smoking, drinking socially, which led into a heavy spiraling crystal meth addiction. Lost a lot of friends due to her addiction, ran away from home, and stole money form her mom for her deadly fix. Nikki has reached rock bottom)

Dr. Peters- (middle aged man, father of a 7 year old girl and husband to his wife of ten years. Graduated from Harvard with flying colors stayed straight his whole life)

Mike- (19, comes from a wealthy home, also a serious meth addict)
Tony- (17, comes from a middle class blue color house, he has never met his dad and his mom struggles to pay the rent.)

Scene opens in an emergency room Nikki is laying on the table “Deceased” from a drug over dose. Dr. Peters is filling out the papers for her passing. Nikki will awake periodically to explain the timeline of her destruction.

Stage directions: spotlight opens on dr. standing stage left, has a clipboard in hand and is reading off his report.

Dr. Peters: (in a solemn matter) Sex: Female, D.O.B: unknown, time of death: 2:00 am, Cause: Overdose.

S.D: spotlight switches from dr. to patient and she awakes in a dream world to tell her story. Dr. is frozen by this flashback and stays still in the dim light.

Nikki: I can still remember the first time I smoked a cigarette, the way it felt to hold that Marlboro between my fingertips, it felt awkward but so indifferent. The excitement was like nothing else I’ve felt before. I took timid puffs in between nervous glances back to the front door to see if my mom was watching. She never seemed to be watching, I wish she had. Cigarettes were my first addiction. What can I say they got me through the day. I could always count on my smokes; they started off my day good and ended it the same way. My Marlboro’s never left me alone, they never said mean things. Like come on their cigarettes right? What the fuck is bad with a cigarette? But just like everything else it went from one cigarette a day, to 4, to 10, then to a pack. But a pack wasn’t enough I needed two! Geez all this talk about cigs makes me want on now. You got a square you could spare? (Chuckles and sticks hand out as if to take it then lays back down in her stretcher)

S.D: Spotlight switches back to dr. He sighs and takes his pen away from the pad then directs his speech to the audience

Dr. Peters: What a shame. Do you know how many cases like these I get a day? When those early morning hours come around all I can do is pray that we will have a few less then the night before. But they always come in by the dozens. Eyes rolled in the back of their heads, experiencing heavy seizures and convulsions. By that time, what is there for me to do? In my line of work drug overdoses are the easiest thing to diagnose do you know why? Because drugs …(Cut off by Nikki and is once again frozen by the flashback)

Nikki: (enraged) Listen to this asshole talking like he actually knows what drugs are! He doesn’t know what its like to be me. How could he, dressed in his perfect white coat. Four years of medical school for a fucking white coat and an illegible signature. And now you suddenly know me? Well let me tell you about me, (laughs) I’m not your average teen. I always like to consider myself as a little out of the box. I was never into trends… I made them. I really did have a good grasp on things, a strong belief in peace and political movements. You know, stuff like power in numbers shit like that always excited me. I guess it was the hippie in me, or maybe it was all that pot I was smoking. Theirs nothing like a little cannabis bliss to make any day a little bit brighter. Right? It made everything a little bit cooler, damn I felt cooler. And Mike thought so too.

(Mike enters from stage left pauses at dr.)

Mike: Geez who’s this stiff (Laughs)

Nikki: (jokingly) shut up Mikey, you know I’m the real stiff. (laughs)

Mike: yea, yea, aren’t you gunna introduce me to your friends.

Nikki: Everyone, Mikey, Mikey, Everyone. You happy now?

Mike: No, no, no man your going about it all wrong. Hey guys, I’m Mike, but you can call me Mikey. I got myself a nice bed too but it’s a few curtains that a way. ( points to the left and laughs) Nikki here, well me and her go way back. The first time she sparked up was with me. And we haven’t stopped since. Now have we kid! ( smiles wide) well ill let Nikki get back to her story. I’m a little too high to stand anyways. ( takes a seat and sits down)

Nikki: Mike and I smoked weed, moved up to coke, and then to the big daddy of them all. My favorite. Crystal Meth. Meth was my life and my death, my creation and my demise. I smoked it, snorted it, shot it up, and one time I even ate it.

Mike: Yea that’s the stuff girl, that’s that experimental junk, that funk, that gets us crunk.

(laughs together)

Nikki: Good one Mike, you prick, that shit killed me. I never thought it could happen to me, the feeling of getting so addicted to something that you couldn’t back out. Crystal Meth was unlike anything. Its it’s own genre, own brand, one of a kind. It was ruff stuff. I loved it for how it made me feel and hated to for how it made me feel.

(pounding on a door)

Tony: Let me in are you alright! Where’s Nikki?! Let me in this fucking room where’s Nikki?!

(Nikki and Mike Freeze and Dr. awakes and heads to the door.)

Dr. Peters: Sir you are going to have to sit in the waiting room, Sir!

(Pounding continues dr. walks to the phone)

Dr. Peters: Can I please have security I have an out of control person down here in E.R.

(Pounding stops Dr. freezes facing the door. Mike and Nikki sit in a circle on the floor, Nikki takes the bag of meth from her pocket and places it on the floor.

Nikki: So it went like this, I got the score mike I got the score.

Mike: Sweet kid, lets blast off come on quick I cant wait.

Nikki: Do you have the needles?

Mike: You said you had them, come on fucking hurry up I cant wait any longer. Hurry up

Nikki: I’m going as fast as I can chill out.

(Begins loading the needles)

Mike: That’s not enough, that’s not even a full hit, load it double. Damn your slow and stupid. Double that

Nikki: But that’s the whole score!?

Mike: Just load it all come on we have done that much before.

Nikki: I don’t know are you sure? Mike (cut off by mike)

Mike: Yes! Yes! Okay, okay now that’s good, that’s real good let me take the first hit.

(injects meth in arm)
Mike: That’s fire stuff, he hooked us up good, that’s the shit, damn. Oh my God that’s it. Take one

(Nikki pauses then follows her buddy)

Nikki: Mike, oh mike, my my my, mike

Mike: yea, I uh, yea. Wow.

Nikki: are you okay?

(Mike falls to the floor and begins to convulse. Nikki panics and gets on top off him shaking him. Screaming. Mike stops struggling then goes stiff. Nikki stares at his body, still starring at the floor he gets up and exists waving goodbye. Nikki picks up a phone calls 9.1.1. and is crying into the phone)

Nikki: Hello, hello I need paramedics hello help, please send someone. Hello help me!

( Nikki falls to the floor crying begins experiences the same seizures and goes stiff once again. She then Gets up sits down in her stretcher, leans up and says)

Nikki: I’m sorry mom, I love you.

( Nikki lays stiff in the hospital bed while the dr. is unfrozen walks up to her side and picks up her hand. Speaking softly he says)

Dr. Peters: If only it was another time, another place, only if…only if I knew your name.

(walks to center stages)

Dr. Peters: This play was made in dedication to teens worldwide who have died from crystal meth and other drug overdoses. Stay drug free because drug is a merciless killer. It doesn’t care about age, sex, or race. Don’t fall into the patterns so many teens have. Be your own person and respect your name and your self. And don’t wind up another nameless statistic.

a boy i once knew. part 2

2006-09-10T03:12:13Z

this is the stroy of a boy i once knew,
a boy forced to be a man in every sense of the word.
forced to work so he could eat, forced to grow up so he could keep up, forced to fuck when she wouldnt take no for an answer. He would have never picked this life if he had a choice, it seemed like the things in his life chose him. He often questioned why he had been chosen for so much pain. such as the time he found himself a few drinks too many, locked behind his moms bedroom door. He had been beat up by the monster on the other side. bleeding out of his nose and mouth he questioned "why me?",. he stayed up all night scared, scared of the monster that creeped in the other room. scared, that the door wouldnt save him tonite. and scared, he would never get an answer to the question he so desperatley asked.
He was all too fimilar with this "other side". The other side of FL was where he used to live, a place where things seemed to be perfect. The other side of things always gave him comfort. Their was the bad, but on the other side the good. He tried to be as positive he could. Just like he was so happy to be on the other side of that door on that night. He wished he had more doors to shut so he could block out the other monsters that seemed to follow him in his life. but then again some of these monsters he didnt want to lock out. LIke one in particualry... he had a friend who followed him, he was white, and smooth, and he blew all his money. But they always had a good time. They say cocaine is gods way of saying you have too much money. but the fact was he didnt, and it was only gettign worse. His friend was taking his toll, and he only liked him more for it.
This reminded him of a girl in his life, the more he liked her the more he knew he would get hurt. He was alredy sore from all the pain. And would ask his heart and mind can you take it? You have been down this road before, dont be stupid. You know your bound to go down there again. But without a second thought he would see her in the halls,, and smile. and say hi, and kiss her becasue it jsut felt so good, it felt so good to talk to her, to touch her, to waste time, and forget about this second personality he had made, the one to make every one think he was mr.funny perky so fuking happy, he didnt tell her any of this, he just tried to give it time,play it kool, and watched as things gained speed.
speed, he was always so mellow but now became addicted to that fast pace. he loved the rush it gave him the energy to work overtime, all the time. He didnt pay attention in school. but if he came home and took 4 stacker 3's and washed them down with some coffee, he was up. he was high. jsut fuking speedy. but the bags under his eyes grew and his stomach ached, but the truth was he was goin way to fast to stop now.
he jsut held on,
to everythin he loved in his life
to what he had left
to what wouldnt leave him
to her,
he held, while evrythin else whirled around him.
it all kept spinning,
thats when he couldnt hold on any more,
and threw up all the pain that was inside.

this is the story of a boy i once knew, forced to be a man.

st0nefree_d @ 2006-05-21T21:10:00

2006-05-22T01:40:22Z

my crunk friends.

this weekend.
was slightly disorientated, cuz i was intoxicated, but yet elated to a state of drunkeness that has been much post-poned by the moral standards i once called my own. Regrets, some. but nothing i cant cure, this im sure. did i loose my conscious in the process? truthfully, i can see the validity in that. BEcasue in all actuality of my reality i have changed into some1 thats new to me? bad, maybe soo. good?, geez how could i know. i was told recently that before i was mainly sad, and now im practically just plainly ....sadder. At first i was dissapointed, but mayb this is true. is the only judge of that you? now i loose myself in my own writing and im gunna keep fighting my erge to be weak, and seek out a place where i dont look like a lozer with a cute face.

?

st0nefree_d @ 2006-05-18T14:47:00

2006-05-18T19:19:13Z

Je ne suis pas à mon poste actuellement.

this is the conversation i had with a long lost friend.

hello
hello

I hate when things come to an end.

try not to think of it as something terrible. remember the good times, charish the memory, embrace the thoughts, breathe and realize all that you got to expirience... not what you are "losing". be in the now moment and be thankful for what you got to learn and who you are because of it. it is to be embraced and cherished forever, for that what life is... a grand lesson...

i show only love, why do i recive anger hate and pain?

perhaps its because love is something so foreign to them that they dont understand the feeling, the understanding, and the emotion that accompanies it and it scares them because it is 'unidentified' and 'strange' therefore it is 'wrong' ? as i say "you can only get to where you are coming from" therefore, if they are in fear of love, they will push love away.

so where does that leave me?
do i contnue down this path of hurt?

if you do it will ultimately leave you in a place of love, i believe. your own fantasy land, your own imagination, your own self... continuing down the path of hurt - as i did - brings lessons - continuing down the easy road brings luxury but not lessons. it depends on what you wish to accomplish or learn in life... i chose the rocky road and i'm glad i did - but there were times that i asked myself "WHY/!?!"

yes. rocky would be an understatment.i have high standaards for myself
my sole goal,is to change the world

i picture you on the stage.

wow you make me feel good, and you are so right on with your assumptions.

haha. well, feeling is good, it reminds us we're still alive.
we are still makin' it.
"pinch thyselves if you feel un-real, it might remind you you're still alive. Then, douse your head in water and realize, "YOU MADE IT!" as Germain would say.

said well,Do i still talk to these people? and Why do they become angry?

normal concern... im currently going through a period with my cousin. he's basically calling me aweful things because i was thinking about living with his family. long story short: he found a way to not have me there. but now... he's so angry. like to the point he is screaming at me and/or writing hate email. i just write to him calmly, but what i realise is that... he's not angry at me... he's angry at himself because he and i reflect eachother. much like everyone on the planet. that which we cant embrace we fight. its called war as well. sibling rivalry. But, the thing i learned was, hes angry at himself. I have done nothing... and we get to embrace that part of ourselves and realize that that ANGER is in OURSELVES as well... they are just mirroring it back to us.

you have all the answers dont you?

no, im just here to help.

goodbye.
goodbye.

"You don't take a photograph. You ask, quietly, to borrow it."

st0nefree_d @ 2006-05-16T21:22:00

2006-05-17T01:55:23Z

1 NEW VOICE MESSAGE

my brother and i sat on a couch . blue leather, the kind of material that gets so cold it creeps up your back and pulls at your spine. i could feel it in my stomach something wasnt quite right. the phone rang. once. twice. and then just as it hit the machine an axious hand now, wrinkled with age, picked it up. the coversation now took place on the loud speaker of the answering service. for all to hear. so clear. i sat on the couch in anxiety. " yes dr. " my mother said through the reciver. "hello mam is joseph there?"..."out"... " how can i help you?"...well we have gotten the test results back...pause..."yes?"

its a strange thing to see someones body go limp and fall, all their muscles relax and they seem to drip to the floor.

especially when its your own mother.

"well mam i have bad news abotu your husband his condition has gotten worse"

the words echoed in my head

have you ever had to hold your mother while shes crying? you can feel her whole body shake against yours. you can feel her tears roll down your arms and you can see the mascara paint your shoulder. its sick. do you know its a sick thing to have to endure. but ther i stood trying to keep myself sane. tears rolling from my eyes. but i did not cry. i held back. but the tears didnt stop they dont know how.

now i find myself saying to my brother and mom. keep your head up.
and thats when i knew. today has changed me forever. and i will never be the same.

Beep.

1 NEW VOICE MESSAGE

and the phone call ended.

st0nefree_d @ 2006-05-15T15:11:00

2006-05-15T19:35:30Z

keep your head up kid.

i look down on a fortune cookie in between my two hands, this pair is mine, but unfimalar to me. they move in twisty crooked ways. some times i feel like i have no control over what they do and to who. the fortune cookie reads as follows: your brave and strong, i can read but i cant follow. my hands shake, this nicotene addiction is kicking in. but i dont grab a cigarette. 1) beacuse im still inside 2) because my brothers harsh words echo in my head for me to quit. Funny my brother,covicted felon, who can dislocate his thumbs to slip out of any cuffs, i listen to? yes, irony is weird. Maybe i needed to hear it from someone from my own mentality, havent picked up a cigarette since. I leave the resturaunt with a quick last cup of that small chinese tea. greeted outside by the fresh air free of grease and kitchen fumes. But immediately choke. He's home. my brother came home. Outta jail a free man. All the pain in bettween us still couldnt stop the immediate hug. The embrace was long over due but bars and a few 1,000 miles had kept us from one and another. That brotherly bond that you, cannot understand. simply because i dont even. the pain is still all to real, but atleast its the old pain nothing new that im not used to. but i still choke on this fresh air.

keep your head up kid.

st0nefree_d @ 2006-03-31T16:44:00

2006-03-31T22:37:30Z

this has been a crazy week.my mom got on a plane wendsday we parted our ways with a whisper exchanged in between a hug from our tight arms "miss ya love ya" .wwalking back to the car my legs got weak because i knew all that i was instore for wen she went, excited, anxious, i , drove to school. but this week i cldnt have predicted. even if i tryed. like a drug i let it take me. o.u.t.o.f.c.o.n.t.r.o.l.

it was after school the same day that i got shit started off to the right foot.

like dancing..the first step has to be good to hit the dance floor because with a bad step your tripping through the rest of the song.

a few beers a few cigs feelign chill. relaxing like life is supposed to be lived. slow calm wit the kids from that cape nieghborhood.
then to back school for a b-ball game hanging out with the boys. haveing the ladies get mad. just cuz i don liek to talk much. what gives?. wathcing all the cokcy basketball players show. off. mmmm i hate wen they do that.

came home that day,
rolled my self a j.
closed my eyes
and slept in the skies.

thurzday.
a simple cyber hello turned into a myspace freind. led to a sn, and then i got her number.took a turn with a text or two. then four five um 100 .. more?. a few missed calls.. and then finally she picked up and havent putt that phone down since. made a few plans, canceled. but best out of three and then finally i saw her. it was thursday. and i wasnt dissapointed.

hanging out at the l.d. at baker. lit a cig watched the smoke play as it left my lips . then a fukin teacher has to bitch at me for smoking , and then comes an administrator shortly after. this guy HUGe was asking for my name...school...and my cigs.( all of which i was not willign to part with) i sed " man i was just about to leave" and hes sed " if you do ill have you arrested" something snapped. i swear i heard the crack in my head. casually turned around hopped the wall and ran. waiting for sirens. i hid out in a construction site, and questioned my sanity, and teh fact am i really a nigger at heart>?

mite as well not let it spoil my night.
a book of pictures we looked through
a walk with a mom . a plump one
a tin foil bowl, stinky.
a small but furois dogg,
losing your self in all that sex hair
and that moment . wher we felt "infinite"

its friday nite fixing to stay in wit my dad,
wow this was only the week,
i wonder what the weekend has in store.

-d

first entrizzle

2006-03-22T22:40:33Z

yo it's Dakota.
and i decided to make one of these.
well actually Angel made it for me,
my coolest friend that i have : D
so yeah peace.